Winter Winds
by BandGeek99
Summary: "And I want to love you so badly but I just can't. Why is it like this?" Quasi-USUK oneshot/songfic.


**Winter Winds – by BandGeek99**

I don't love you. I don't think I ever did. Why are we together?

_As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts  
Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms  
Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?  
For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt_

Was it because I was so desperate to not be alone anymore? Or was it because I wanted to be able to say I was over it? Because I was sick of chasing _him_ with a broken heart?

I don't even know anymore.  
_  
And my head told my heart  
"Let love grow"  
But my heart told my head  
"This time no  
This time no"_

"Arthur, this way," you laugh to me and I follow with a stupid smile on my face, the fake one that you disregard, because you know that you smile at me the same way so much.

Blindly, I run after you. Snow drifts around us and neither of us seem to care much. Why should we?

This isn't going to last forever. You and I both know it.

This relationship isn't real, is it?  
_  
We'll be washed and buried one day my girl  
And the time we were given will be left for the world  
The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague  
So let the memories be good for those who stay_

"Arthur Kirkland, hurry up! We'll miss it, we're going to miss it!" Your beautiful brown eyes shine excitedly in the streetlights, but they barely touch my heart at all.

"Relax, Mary, the nativity pageant isn't going anywhere without us."

You turn around and give me a raspberry and stick your tongue out at me. "Well, I'd like to enjoy the _whole_ thing with you, silly."

I catch up and I can feel a little warmth in my heart. "You're my best friend for that one, you know that?"

"Course I do. Let's go."

And I want to love you so badly but I just _can't_. I hate it. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I just wish I could make myself fall head over heels. Why is it like this?  
_  
And my head told my heart  
"Let love grow"  
But my heart told my head  
"This time no"  
Yes, my heart told my head  
"This time no  
This time no"_

Oh, right. That bloody American moron. Damn it all.

I catch up with you and take your hand. Your fingers are freezing and I sigh, remembering that I'd asked you to bring gloves—and you didn't. Like usual. I swear, you're going to give me an ulcer. But I grin and I kiss your cold fingers anyway. And it's so, so wrong when it ought to be so utterly right.

You smile up at me and I can see the same look in your eyes that I know still show in mine; you miss your man too. "I wish this would last forever," you whisper to me, so quietly I can barely hear you over the traffic here on the outskirts of the city.

"Me too," I reply. And for once, I'm not lying to you. Maybe, if this lasted forever, then I wouldn't have to think about him.  
_  
Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved  
Was the same that sent me into your arms  
Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone  
And no hope, no hope will overcome_

Oh, Mary. At least you'll be able to smile again. I know that he still loves you; when we're through, he'll be waiting for you and you'll have your happy ending.

Unfortunately, I've never been so lucky.  
_  
And if your strife strikes at your sleep  
Remember spring swaps snow for leaves  
You'll be happy and wholesome again  
When the city clears and sun ascends_

You pause in step and you suddenly hug me and in that single embrace I feel your empathy. Not wasting a moment, I kiss you, drawing you still closer. When I kiss you, it doesn't hurt so badly. I'm not so empty. I have a purpose and I'm needed and God damn it you taste so good.

"We'll miss the pageant," I whisper to you, one arm around your waist and the other buried in your long brown curls. And you're beautiful, but... But you don't mean the same thing to me...

"Fuck it." And you kiss me again, there in the freezing cold.  
_  
And my head told my heart  
"Let love grow"  
But my heart told my head  
"This time no"_

And that night, though we've been with each other and keeping one another company, we've been so alone, so hopelessly alone.

Mary, I want to love you.

I want to love you so bad.

But I can't. My heart won't let me.  
_  
And my head told my heart  
"Let love grow"_

I still love him.

_But my heart told my head  
"This time no  
This time no."

* * *

_**I have no idea where this came from. I heard the song by Mumford and Sons by the same title, which is what the italicized lyrics are, and I just had to write it.**

**Yeah, I brought back my original character for New Hampshire, Mary Fulton. Except she's not American in this one. (Or she is, its up to you.) Kinda AU, could be seen as a canon!verse. But obviously, England is still madly in love with America. Poor guy. Does Mary have an unrequited love of her own? Well, that was what I was going for, but if you don't see it that way, then you don't have to. I kinda left it open-ended for you to interpret.**

**This was a very new writing style for me-did you enjoy it? Feedback is appreciated.**

**I feel bad that I haven't uploaded anything new in a long time (my computer is now completely fried and I'd been having issues with it for weeks prior) so I wanted to give this to all of you lovely people. Consider it my holiday season one-shot.**

**Reviews and critique are always appreciated, lovelies. Happy holidays.**

**-BANDGEEK  
**


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